Let me tell you something,. I’ve had it up to here with calling people “fat” on the radio. Whenever I do, Gary Jeff Walker over at 700 WLW loses it. He cackles like he’s watching a stand-up special on Netflix. Don’t get me wrong—I love hearing Gary laugh, but at some point, you must ask yourself: Is the word “fat” just too basic?
So, in my never-ending quest to evolve the English language (and keep Gary from laughing so hard he passes out), I decided to give “fat” a little facelift. Enter Lipidly Enhanced. That’s right; we’re done with “fat,” “chubby,” and “pleasantly plump,” and all the other euphemisms people toss around. When you tune in to 700 WLW and hear me describe someone who might have taken too many trips through the drive-thru, I’ll refer to them as “lipidly enhanced.”
How Did This New Term Come About?
First off, let’s set the scene. Picture me on air with Gary Jeff. We’re talking, having a grand old time, and then BAM—I describe someone as fat. Gary, naturally, starts chuckling like a kid who just heard his first fart joke. And then it hit me. Maybe—just maybe—there’s a way to call someone out for their, ahem, expanded physical presence, but in a more…elevated way. Something scientific. Something that rolls off the tongue like it’s fresh out of a medical journal.
That’s when Lipidly Enhanced came to life. Doesn’t that just sound fancy? It’s like you’re not even talking about body mass anymore; you’re referencing some highbrow scientific concept. Heck, I could probably get this into a textbook.
The Evolution of Fat
Let’s take a little walk down memory lane, shall we? There was a time when we called people fat, and nobody batted an eye. And if they did, it wasn’t because the term offended them—it was probably because they knew you were right. Then came chubby—which sounds like something you’d call a cute puppy that’s had too many treats. After that, someone decided pleasantly plump was the way to go, like it’s supposed to make you feel better if someone tells you you’re shaped like a Thanksgiving turkey.
But here’s the thing: None of these words fully captured the glory of human adiposity quite like “lipidly enhanced.” It’s scientific. It’s accurate. It’s polite (ish). And, best of all, it sounds like a promotion. You’re not just fat, my friend—you’ve been upgraded. You’ve entered the elite club of enhanced lipids. You’re practically an overachiever in the body mass department.
Why “Lipidly Enhanced” Is the Future
Now, you might be asking, “Why not just keep calling people fat? Isn’t that simple?” Well, sure. But simple is for people who still say “YOLO” and think avocado toast is high brow. We’re in 2024, baby. It’s time to up our game. Think about it—when you hear “lipidly enhanced,” you can’t help but imagine someone so filled with potential (and, yes, a bit of extra tissue) that they’re practically radiating abundance.
And let’s be honest here—science makes everything sound more important. Why call someone fat when you can pull out a term like “lipidly enhanced” that makes it sound like you’ve got a PhD in physiology? It’s like the difference between calling someone a couch potato and labeling them as “sedentary in-home activity enthusiasts.” Which one sounds better? Exactly.
But What About the Other Terms?
Okay, let’s break down the other terms to give them a fair shake:
- Fat: The OG. Simple, practical, and, let’s be honest, quite dull at this point. It’s the sweatpants of insults—comfortable but uninspired.
- Chubby: Sounds like something you’d call your pet hamster. Plus, it’s borderline patronizing. No grown adult wants to be referred to like they’re a fluffy little woodland creature.
- Pleasantly Plump: This one makes me gag a little whenever I hear it. You know what’s pleasant? Ice cream on a hot day. A plump body? Not so much. It’s like saying, “Well, you’ve let yourself go, but you do it in such a jolly way!”
- Big-Boned: Ah yes, the classic excuse. Unless you’re a T-Rex, your bones are not the problem. The reality is that most of us have about the same skeletal structure. It’s what’s on top that matters—and that’s where our lipidly enhanced friends come into play.
But Lipidly Enhanced? Now, that’s a term with class. It’s so far beyond these other words that it might as well be teaching a masterclass at Harvard.
How to Use “Lipidly Enhanced” in Everyday Life
Are you still unsure how to integrate this new, innovative term into your daily vocabulary? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
- At a family dinner: “Wow, Aunt Marge, I see you’ve been embracing the lipidly enhanced lifestyle.”
- Watching a movie: “This actor? Definitely on the lipidly enhanced side of things.”
- At the gym: “I’m trying to stay fit, so I don’t get too lipidly enhanced myself.”
See? It works everywhere! It’s the Swiss Army knife of terms for people who, let’s say, have a close relationship with the snack aisle.
Why It’s the Best Choice for Radio
Let’s talk about why lipidly enhanced is my go-to on air. First off, it’s radio gold. Picture it: Gary Jeff is sitting there, bracing himself for another gut-busting laugh when I drop the F-bomb (that’s “fat” for those just tuning in), but instead, I hit him with lipidly enhanced. The man is speechless. The listeners? They’re hooked. They’re thinking, “What did he just say? Lipidly, what now?” It’s the kind of thing that keeps people coming back.
And as someone who’s been in the business for a while, I know one thing for sure: People love hearing something new. “Fat” is old news. “Lipidly enhanced” is cutting edge. You’re not just giving someone a description; you’re giving them a diagnosis.
Lipidly Enhanced and Proud
So there you have it. Next time you’re about to call someone fat, chubby, or even—God forbid—pleasantly plump, stop yourself. Take a deep breath, look that person in their chip-stained face, and confidently say, “You, my friend, are lipidly enhanced.”
I promise that it will elevate the conversation, and you might also get a laugh from Gary Jeff Walker.
Now, excuse me while I trademark this term before Gary Jeff does.